As parents, we all want the best for our children. We want them to experience everything they can. We want to give them opportunities that we didn’t have. There is a fine line between nudging them and pushing them too hard.
Youth BJJ classes at High Altitude Martial Arts, starts at 4 years old. When our oldest was just a toddler, her black belt dad, Cody Donovan, began teaching her arm bars and other warm up exercises. She was introduced to BJJ through the summer camps and ninja nights that we host. She spent many days and nights with us at the academy. We wanted her to start classes at 4 years old but she said she was too scared. We would ask her every couple months if now was the time and she wasn’t ready. When she turned 5 years old, the topic of BJJ arose more frequently and the nudge became more of a push. We didn’t want to push too hard but the time had come. One morning I asked if she was going to BJJ class after school and to our surprise, she said yes! We were ecstatic.
Professor Cody sent a message to the head of youth BJJ at our academy and told him to treat Cora as he would any other student. We arrived and got her suited up; she cried and didn’t want to try. We had a coach grab her hand and she warmed up. A few more tears were shed that first class but she made it. We asked if she wanted to come back and she said yes so we grabbed her a gi of her own. She was nervous in the second class and only cried once. By the time the third class came around, she was completely comfortable and excited for class.
We are so proud. We come to every class to watch her, as her parents, not owners of the gym.
I’ve had this talk with many parents with children who are too scared to jump into class. We suggest parents bring their children early to get to know the coaches and other kids. They start playing games 20 minutes before class starts (this also helps them get that extra energy out so they can focus during class). Some need to watch a couple classes before they will jump in and try it. Some won’t even put on the gi (uniform) so I have them take the gi home to get them comfortable wearing one. Children model their parents so I even suggest the parent jump into class to show their children, it’s not so scary.
I see the frustration in parents faces when their kids are resistant but am a believer in timing. We, as parents, can lead our children in the front direction and encourage them but ultimately they decide when they are ready. If they try something for a month and truly dislike it, at least they tried. And we should be proud that they tried.
When we push too hard, the child may become resistant. They may associate the activity with nothing but negative feelings. When we push our children to do something scary or difficult we are teaching them to be brave, strong, and flexible. We are learning to be patient. If we don’t ever push them, they may never learn to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
Some helpful hints:
- Get to know your child – do they show interest in martial arts?
- Could they use help with discipline and focus?
- Don’t push too hard, too early – take it slow and praise them for being brave and trying new things.
- Encourage them to try and finish at the agreed upon goal – don’t let them quit early.
- Offer rewards to motivate your child – we used ice cream and iPad time (parents of the year right here).
- Acknowledge their hard work and accept imperfection.
- There is a difference between pushing your kids to succeed and pushing them to try – don’t live your unfilled dream through your kids.
- Continue introducing new things to your children – they need exposure.
- Support them when they are learning new concepts and finding their abilities.
- Communicate – ask them questions about how they are feeling.
- Show interest in what they are learning – watch them, cheer for them.
We want kids to learn to motivate themselves toward their own success. We need to continue to motivate them. It is our duty as parents show them all the world has to offer. They may need a nudge here and there…and that’s ok! Don’t let it become a source of stress for you or your child. Feel free to reach out to us at High Altitude. We have plenty of experience working with children of all ages and are happy to help you with this martial arts journey.
